Hello world of the living..I'm back and ready to go.

I don't want to try and analyze anything to death, ad nauseum, but I keep finding myself back to the starting block where I feel like I'm revving up after having lost my way somehow.  Is that my lifestyle that I've lived all these years...feast or famine?  Is it doing things that I can't maintain, and that are bound to fail?  Whatever has brought me here, starting over, here I am.  OK.

I wrote down this evening.some notes and some honest answers.  I'm a big girl now.

Why EXACTLY am I overweight? 
#1.  Because I eat more than my body needs...I do this, I know I do.  I eat because the food is there and think about it all the time.  This has been my lifelong pattern except for a few times I was able to eat intuitively.
#2.  Because I get very little exercise.  I know this, and know that I feel better and lose weight better and move better when I go to the pool.  Yes, my legs and body hurt when I do, but then they hurt/ache when I don't.  Hmm.. no rocket science required to figure that out.

OK, those are the definite "whys." 

Is my obesity medicine-related?  Not sure
Is my obesity thyroid-related?  Not sure
Is my obesity illness-related?  No

Can I fix #1 and #2 above?  Yes
WILL I fix #1 and #2 above?  IDK on a long-term basis
WHAT will happen if I don't fix or modify #1 and #2 above?  A. Worse knees  B. Worse breathing  C. Worse health  D. Worse pain all over   E.  Less life here on earth.

Do I find pleasure in food?  Yes.   It's fun, it's exciting, it's calming, it's pretty, it's satisfying, it's homey, it's snuggly.  Where are my other pleasures, and has food usurped them in my life?

My other pleasures:

~communing with God
~Color!!  And more color!!
~Animals
~Nature and plants
~Creating and inventing
~Deals and Bargains and Hunting the same

So, it stands to reason that I need to increase the regularity and general presence of the pleasures in my life.  The deals and bargains, my dogs, and communing with God now and then are the only pleasures I have at the moment...the others are non-existent.  I want to start out in the manner, and let the dependence on food as most of my pleasure diminish.

Wi.l.l I do what I just wrote, or will I stay in the Ready, Set phase of this endeavor?  I don't know...it could go either way.  I could go home and get involved in something else and then never go back to this blog for another year and a half.  Very possible.  I hope and pray that what brought me here tonight continues to push me into the future with this.  I will try my best.

What a year and a half, what a year and a half......

Take several very hard things to deal with and shove them down my throat, and that's what it's been like since I last posted.   OK, enough said.

This is my last post that refers to the past 1.5 years.  Behind me....on to the future.